We are intersectional feminists and we expect you to either identify as this or have beliefs that align with this. Intersectional feminists believe in equality, for all women, including trans women as well as non binary people. Intersectional feminists know that as women we are marginalised and other things increase the marginalisation for us , race, ability, religion, nationality, sexuality, etc. Most of us here are die hard liberal intersectional feminists who swear a lot. If you are easily offended by sex talk, cursing, or women’s rights, this may not be the group for you.
Punky is a state of mind and the Punky Mom movement isn’t about style/piercings/tattoos. Fashion is part of where punk began as a battle against societal norms, but the values run deeper. Punk is about anti-establishment, fighting for equality and against the mainstream. There are a lot of subculture branches of punk you may identify with and anyone who subscribes to one that contains equality at its core is welcome here. It’s not a hairstyle, it’s a way of life and being Punky on the inside is the most important thing.
We expect that as a member, you won’t ever post anything hateful, that you will listen to marginalised voices, lived experiences and be open to learning. We also expect that as a member you acknowledge that this space is a parenting group first and a feminist group second. Many people are still learning, some don’t want labels, some are just trying to get a nights sleep and need a cuddle. We are parents and we are in this together.
We are not a 100% ‘safe space’ because we cannot personally vouch for every single member, though we’ll always strive to protect our members privacy and safety. We’d recommend not sharing anything that you wouldn’t share on your personal page/among strangers as this is the Internet. We are a place that is mostly safe and we will still continue to work tirelessly to make sure our members feel protected and can call this place home. We are open to all women/non-binary/trans people who identify as a “mom” or as “not male”. We do not accept fathers or people identifying as male in this group. We work hard to make this an amazing group that may be one of the safest group in the world for such a broad range of parents, but it’s still the world and we will keep fighting as we do! Be inclusive or get out.
1. By coming into this wonderful place you agree to not be mean and respect people’s privacy. Taking screenshots of conversations in this group and posting or sharing them elsewhere is a bannable offense. Sharing PMUK threads (no matter how funny) with your partners, BFFs, MILs is a major breach of trust as is talking shit about Punky Moms elsewhere (someone else’s status, mom group, etc). We don’t tolerate people talking behind our backs at all. Be cool.
2. If you use a screenshot from somewhere else, please make sure other people’s names and/or numbers are blacked out. This group tries to promote women and parents everywhere and posts that bad mouth celebrities or everyday parents will be deleted. There are lots of other places on the internet to do that.
3. We do not tolerate hate speech.
The obvious: blatantly racist, homophobic, misogynistic comments, gifs or memes.
The casual: posting support of famous people who are against equality, facist comments, laughing when offered an education.
These behaviours will not be tolerated AT ALL. Liking these comments will not be tolerated. Hatred and bigotry will get you banned. We will not tolerate trolling responses when a member offers to educate another. Modmin will decide as quickly as possible what to do in these situations and trust we care to keep the group as safe as possible. We will always answer questions about the process. Report any issues immediately so modmin can handle it promptly!
4. TRIGGER WARNINGS – If you post any of the following please use a trigger warning and mention what the TW is for. Leave space/dots so the content is not visible. TW = Trigger Warning CW = Content warning
Ex. TW death
Death/miscarriage/stillborn/suicide/Abuse/child abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, verbal)
Traumatic CPS experiences, Custody, Court Proceedings (children being taken away)
Any pictures blood/injuries/bodily fluids (images or links to articles/videos should be posted AS A COMMENT)
Trauma (physical, emotional, birth related, etc) mental health issues.
If you forget your warning, we or a member will likely ask you to add one. You will have 10 min to comply before your post is removed. ALL PHOTOS AND VIDEOS THAT NEED A TW MUST BE POSTED ONLY IN THE COMMENTS. PLEASE DO NOT TAG MEMBERS OR MODMIN IN POSTS WITH TW, you don’t want to accidentally trigger anyone.
We do not allow any live videos that contain a TW and those will be deleted immediately.
5. Posts asking for medical advice (including medication, rashes and mental health) will be referred to an appropriate resource and shut down. Posts mentioning active suicide, thoughts of self harm will be referred to an appropriate resource and shut down. If you state you’ve harmed yourself we may call 999. WE ARE NOT TRAINED FOR ANY OF THIS and the group cannot be held responsible if something goes wrong. Seek professional treatment. Posts asking for advice on how to help soothe a diagnosed medical condition are allowed. Posts talking about birth control, menstruation or any other women’s health issues will be allowed. Posts asking for advice on the rash on your foot will not be.
6.We will absolutely not tolerate hatred, intolerance or nastiness towards members. We will not tone police. Bullying people is also a bannable offense. Don’t do it. This means no passive aggressive bullying as well. If you have an issue with another member or feel unsafe, please contact modmin.
7. Please respect and share the group with your fellow members. If you’ve got an ongoing situation, please search and find your original post and update rather than starting a new post. This allows more posts a chance of being seen on such a busy board. Bump others posts to help them and be a part of the community.
8. “Sharing The Awful” is a phrase we use a lot. This means sharing something that’s awful, that doesn’t impact you or your life firsthand and isn’t something you have a question about ie: “ Let’s all be angry at this Daily Mail article . “It winds people up and drags the board down negatively. You may feel this term applies to you when sharing your own struggles. If you post in a way that asks for constructive advice or how together we can make change, it is not as much of a negative post. Posts that are concise and ask for ideas and solutions also get more engagement.
9. If a member truly can not understand the rules and is spoken to regularly, we reserve the right to place them on mute, probation or remove them completely. This remains at our discretion and is used for the sake of the group at large. At times, we will give warnings, either by private message or using the hashtag #admin on a post. We aren’t a free for all. There are plenty of other spaces for that.
10. Messaging modmin is allowed but the report feature is preferred if there is a problem. We all have different family schedules and this is a volunteer position for us. Messaging modmin with abuse or to continue an argument when a post has been closed could lead to a warning. Questions are reasonable, abuse is not tolerated. It is up to the modmin if they’re able to dedicate the time right then to answer. Our obligation is to the larger group and our team isn’t always free for one on one time immediately. Members may not publicly make demands of modmin and tag them repeatedly to get an answer. Respect that the team cares and will be back and will help as soon as they can.
11. The modmin team may sometimes shut off comments on a post or delete it. If this happens you may have broken a rule but also it may just be that the topic posted is a historically heated one and admin are not around to monitor it. Ex. Vaccine post at 2am. A post may also have gotten heated and we put a pause on that while we discuss. Sometimes this is a lengthy process when team members may be busy (like around bedtime or mornings or weekends). We will address posts that are shut down with a closing comment and will edit the comment if we decide to keep it closed. We tend not to let posts get really heated. It’s not about censorship, but about protecting everyone.
12. What does “No judgment“ mean? In our group, it means no judging (even passive aggressively) of others parenting, choices and behaviour. No judging other parents means don’t bring your judgements to our group and post about it. Live and let live, so long as it follows the rest of the ethos.
13. When we are listening to marginalised members talking about their experiences it is super important not to dismiss, minimise, compare or argue with them. ‘Well my sister didn’t, not all men/white people/Brits type answers aren’t helpful, they minimise and dismiss.
‘I’m sorry that happened’
‘Are you ok?’
‘I believe you’
‘That must be hard’
are good responses. If a marginalised member’s experience makes you feel defensive, then maybe that’s a marker, and an opportunity, to unpack your own feelings and possibly educate yourself.
14. We do not tolerate gendered insults – “Cow’, ‘bitch’, etc. are not ones we allow here. We do not tolerate threats of violence, in any form. We build each other up and don’t tear others down.
15. We do have certain words that are forbidden as we don’t allow casual racism & ableism. Admin will hold a complete list of words that are never ok. Some words (while still considered ableist) have become ingrained in our society such as “crazy” “stupid/dumb” and “mental” – these words are so common that whilst we may not ask you to correct it, it is something we ask everyone to take on and be mindful of when posting. The admin team will lead by example and will try to be aware and conscious of our language.
We try not to say “guys”, as men shouldn’t be the default for addressing a group of mainly women. We also are aware that some words are not inclusive to our Non Binary members. Whilst we will not ban or enforce this, using the words “ladies “ ,“girls”, “moms” , or “mama” is not inclusive to everyone in the group. “Punkies” is a good default word to use when addressing everyone. The only reason we don’t enforce these (or pronoun usage) is because our group is first and foremost a parenting group. We expect kindness, respect and mindfulness.
But the group is called Punky Moms? Punky Moms is the brand name that was started 15 years ago and it is that brand name umbrella we use in naming all our groups.
16. The Punky Moms User Agreement is not up for discussion, debate or challenge. Policies and official Administrator actions are not up for debate, discussion or challenge. If you feel that someone is in violation of our policies, user agreement, or is in any way a threat to the safety of the community, please address your concerns to an Admin immediately in private message.
17. This FB group is NOT for public advertising. Every Sunday & Wednesday we have a PROMO thread that will go up in the morning. This is where you can share about your business, your latest blog posts, your biz IG accounts or new product launches you have. Spam will be deleted and you will be banned. Do not send unsolicited PMs or emails to our members advertising your wares or your own facebook group – this is grounds for dismissal. Please use common sense. You can absolutely respond to a direct product question. Ex. – “Where can I find the best nappy rash cream?” with a link to your product, your friend’s product, a recipe you’ve blogged, etc… You cannot post a fresh post of “I make the best fucking nappy rash cream ever, go buy it now!” This you can post in our PROMO threads. The only exception to this are links to Punky Moms products, this is our group.
18. We only allow Go Fund Me (or any other charity posts) to go in the Fundraising post in our Files section. We do not allow asking the group or any member personally for money. We do have a Punky In Need Fund that is here from donations. This can only be accessed once (unless paid back) and it’s a set amount for emergency situations. You must be a member for 3 months minimum to access this.
19. If you decide this group is not for you (if you decide you need a break), please do not post a goodbye post. Go on and do your thing and we wish you luck.You are welcome to message a modmin and let them know if you are taking a personal break.
20. Every so often we will go through our member list and do a little cleaning. We only will be removing members who have not commented or engaged within the community in over 3 months. If you feel you have been removed in error, please contact an modmin so we can remedy that.
TO ACCESS THE FORM TO SIGN UP FOR THE GROUP – PLEASE VISIT THIS LINK